My Husband Ruined My Self-Esteem: 15 Ways To Rebuild Yourself

Like a tornado tearing through your life, the destruction of your self-esteem left by an abusive husband can seem impossible to repair. The damage done is deep and lasting; it’s like trying to put Humpty Dumpty back together again. But while repairing yourself after this kind of devastation may feel insurmountable, there are tangible steps you can take that will help rebuild your confidence and make you whole again.

The process of rebuilding your self-confidence isn’t easy – in fact, it’s hard work – but it’s absolutely possible. It requires developing healthy relationships with yourself and others, as well as managing negative thoughts about yourself and reframing them into something more positive.

In this article, I’ll share 15 ways you can use to restore the sense of worthiness and joy that comes from having strong self-esteem. By equipping yourself with practical tools for healing along with some essential emotional support, you can reclaim what was taken away from you and start living a happier life on your own terms again.

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings

According to the National Association of Mental Illness, one in five adults experiences mental illness each year. It’s not an easy feat to rebuild oneself after a significant other has left you feeling broken and insecure. Acknowledging your feelings is a great first step towards restoring confidence and reclaiming back control of your life.

When we take time to recognize our emotions, it helps us understand where they stem from and come up with strategies on how best to move forward. This can be anything from taking deep breaths or writing out your thoughts in a journal – whatever works for you! Recognizing what triggers these negative feelings allows us to better manage them before they overwhelm us. Additionally, reflecting on why certain behaviors have led to this moment will help us make better choices moving forward so that we don’t find ourselves in similar situations again.

Taking care of yourself should always be a top priority; remember that no one deserves to feel belittled or put down for any reason whatsoever. Make sure to surround yourself with people who support you and want nothing but the best for you – whether it’s friends, family members, or even professional counselors available online if needed. Regularly engage in activities that bring joy into your life such as going outdoors, painting, exercising, or meditating – do something that makes you happy!

2. Find Healthy Ways To Vent Your Emotions

Feeling powerless is an awful experience. It can paralyze our ability to trust and believe in ourselves leaving us feeling completely overwhelmed by the situation we are facing. But it’s also possible to turn this around, by using healthy ways to vent your emotions and rebuild yourself from within.

It’s essential to recognize that you have a right to feel hurt or angry towards your husband for destroying your self-esteem. You don’t need to suppress these feelings; instead, find constructive outlets such as writing about them in a diary, talking with someone close who understands what you’re going through, or even punching a pillow when needed – whatever helps you release your emotions healthily. In doing so, you may come out stronger than before rather than allowing negative thoughts and emotions to overwhelm you further.

Finding supportive people who genuinely care about your well-being will help normalize how you feel and show that there are people who understand where you’re coming from – which could be just the kind of positive influence that encourages growth, healing, and resilience on your journey forward.

3. Surround Yourself With Supportive People

Like a lighthouse, supportive people can guide you out of the dark waters of low self-esteem. They will accept you for who you are and encourage your efforts to rebuild yourself. So, it’s important that you find those people in your life and make them part of your journey toward emotional healing.

Your friends should be uplifting and have empathy; they should listen without judgment and provide valuable advice when needed. If some of your current relationships don’t seem to fit this criterion, then it might be time to reach out and build new connections with individuals who understand where you’re coming from. Whether through online communities or social activities, there is an abundance of ways to meet like-minded souls who share similar experiences as yours.

You deserve love and understanding during this tough period — so take the plunge into finding trustworthy support systems that will lead you back on the path of confidence!

4. Take Time To Understand Your Emotions

Have you ever taken the time to understand your emotions? It’s an important step in rebuilding your self-esteem. When we face difficult times, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by our feelings and find ourselves unable to cope – but understanding our emotions is the key to being able to move forward.

By taking the time to identify what we’re feeling and why we can begin to process these feelings in a more constructive way. We can start looking for solutions instead of getting stuck in negative thought patterns or rumination. Without recognizing how we really feel, it becomes much harder to take positive action toward improving our self-esteem.

To better understand our emotions, it helps to practice mindfulness meditation or journaling so that we can focus on regulating them without judgment or criticism. Acknowledging our emotions allows us to gain insight into what causes us distress as well as create strategies for managing them more effectively going forward. Taking this mindful approach gives us the power back over our own emotional state and enables us to make meaningful changes in order to rebuild confidence and esteem. With greater awareness of how we feel about ourselves, comes a stronger sense of identity and resilience – which are essential ingredients for building up healthy levels of self-worth again.

Changing our perspective is another powerful tool at our disposal when trying to restore inner confidence…

5. Change Your Perspective

It can be tough to pick up the pieces and rebuild your self-esteem. But if you’re willing to make a change, it is possible. Step 5: Change your perspective.

Changing your perspective means shifting from negative thoughts about yourself to positive ones. It’s important to try and focus on things that you do well, rather than dwelling on the things that have gone wrong in your life. Doing this will help create an environment where you are more likely to feel empowered and capable of doing great things again.

Focus on what makes you unique; reflect on everything that has made you successful in the past or present and use them as fuel for improvement! This may also involve looking at situations differently – instead of focusing solely on how they negatively affected you, consider how they may have been beneficial too. Changing your outlook, even just slightly, it could open new doors for growth and healing.

6. Create A Self-Care Plan

Rebuilding your self-esteem is like piecing together a jigsaw puzzle. To get there, it’s important to create a self-care plan that will help you on the journey. Here are four things to consider when crafting this plan:

First, take time for yourself every day. This could be anything from taking a walk in nature or reading an inspiring book—it’s up to you! By doing something that brings joy and positivity into your life, you can start to retrain your mind away from negative thoughts and focus on what truly matters.

Second, practice gratitude exercises regularly. Writing down three things each day that you’re grateful for helps reframe any challenges as opportunities for growth and development. Taking stock of the positives in our lives is key to rebuilding confidence and self-worth.

Third, give back to others by volunteering or helping out a friend or family member in need. When we provide acts of service without expecting anything in return, we feel more connected with ourselves and those around us which ultimately leads to improved self-esteem levels over time.

Finally, find professional support if needed such as therapy or counseling sessions with someone who understands where you’re coming from and can offer helpful advice on how to move forward positively. A trained therapist can provide insight into underlying issues contributing to low self-esteem so they can be resolved effectively once and for all.

By creating a well-thought-out plan of actionable steps tailored specifically towards rebuilding your self-esteem, you’ll soon be able to enjoy life again with renewed enthusiasm!

7. Set Realistic Goals

Did you know that only 8% of people actually achieve their New Year’s resolutions? Setting realistic goals is a great way to be one of those successful few. By setting realistic goals, you can slowly build confidence in yourself and make progress toward the future you want for yourself.

When you’re setting your own personal goals, it’s important to keep them achievable and measurable. This means that if something seems just out of reach or too difficult, break it down into smaller chunks and steps instead. It’s also helpful to set deadlines for each step so that you stay motivated and don’t get overwhelmed by the big-picture goal. Having specific measures in place will help ensure that you are on track with achieving what you’ve set out to accomplish and this will help foster a sense of self-accomplishment along the journey as well.

By taking consistent action towards reaching these small targets, we can begin to see positive results which act as encouragement, building our self-esteem little by little until before long, we have rebuilt ourselves entirely! As they say: Rome wasn’t built in a day, but every brick counts! Let’s take the same approach when rebuilding our self-esteem – no matter how small an accomplishment may seem at first glance, celebrate the wins and keep pressing forward towards feeling confident again.

8. Practice Positive Self Talk

Praising yourself and being kind to your mind can be a powerful tools for rebuilding self-esteem. Practicing positive affirmations and reframing negative thoughts into more encouraging ideas is an essential step on the path of personal growth. While it may feel hard at first, with repetition you can make positive self-talk part of your daily routine.

The power of language should not be underestimated in times when we need to restore our sense of worthiness. Being intentional about our inner dialogue and focusing on what’s going right rather than wrong will help us create a healthier relationship with ourselves. Creating an environment where constructive criticism is welcomed as well as embracing mistakes that have been made are all vital components for building up confidence again.

9. Find A Creative Outlet

Rebuilding yourself after your self-esteem has been damaged is a difficult task, but it can be done. One way to move forward from this tough spot is by finding a creative outlet that you enjoy and can express yourself through.

This type of activity will provide an emotional release for all the hurt and stress that’s been built up inside of you. It may sound intimidating at first, but don’t worry; the right creative outlet should give you the opportunity to have fun while exploring your feelings in a safe space. This could be anything from painting or writing stories to playing music or designing jewelry – whatever sparks joy within you!

You’ll soon find that dedicating time each day to do something creative allows you to take control over how you feel and gives you back some power in rebuilding your sense of worth again. Plus, who knows? You may even discover newfound talents or passions along the way – another great bonus!

10. Seek Professional Help When Needed

Life can be hard, and unfortunately, there are times when we have to admit that it’s too much for us. Our self-esteem is one of the most delicate aspects of our being, yet also something that can take a hit without warning. It isn’t easy to rebuild what has been destroyed – but with some help, it can be done!

In rebuilding your self-esteem after a significant blow, professional help should definitely not be overlooked or dismissed. Seeking assistance from someone trained in this field may seem daunting at first, but you’ll soon find out how beneficial it truly is. An experienced therapist will listen to your story and provide guidance on how best to move forward. They will offer tailored advice based on your individual circumstances and goals; providing an invaluable resource for recovery as well as support during difficult times.

Having another person by your side as you work through these issues offers both comfort and strength – two vital elements needed in order to make progress and get back up again. Professional help comes highly recommended if you’re looking to regain control over your life; so don’t hesitate – reach out today!


It’s hard to rebuild your self-esteem after it has been crushed by someone you trust. But it is possible, and with a little bit of effort, you can make strides toward reclaiming the confidence you once had.

Take time for yourself, be kind to yourself, and practice positive thinking even when it feels impossible. You don’t have to do this alone either; reach out to supportive friends or family members who will help lift you up in difficult moments. And if needed, seek professional help so that you can start feeling like ‘you’ again.

My story isn’t unique – many people have experienced similar pain and sadness at some point in their lives. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise: rebuilding your self-esteem takes courage but it’s absolutely worth it! With patience and determination, I know that one day soon, I’ll gain back my strength and feel confident in myself again.

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Antoinette R. Burton, MSW
Antoinette R. Burton, MSW
Antoinette is a Michigan-based MSW Sexual Health Educator with 10+ years experience. She received her Master's from University of Michigan and specializes in inclusive sex ed for youth, LGBTQ+, college students, and adults. Believes access to accurate sexual health information is key to overall well-being.

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